Jokes Galore

[Cero]

A guy sits down in a Cafe' and asks for the hot chili.
The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."
He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full.
He says, "Are you going to eat that?"
The other guy says, "No. Help yourself."
He takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, his fork hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes! the chili back into the bowl.
The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."

A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true", the woman wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so." The doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS.'"

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop. "I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.
A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!

[Rhino]

HAHAHAHAHA! Great jokes Cero. http://www.emuxhaven.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif  http://www.emuxhaven.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif  http://www.emuxhaven.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/happy.gif  http://www.emuxhaven.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[Edea]

Oh but those are good Cero-  http://www.emuxhaven.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[Killer500]

i miss my - http://www.emuxhaven.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/cry.gif o well BTW great jokes ridley ä cero- http://www.emuxhaven.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif



Last edited by Killer500 at Mar. 12 2002,10:31

[Edea]

Ok here's one...not real good though IMO.

Queen of the skies?
United Airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant that seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well dressed, rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Put the tray up, #####."

My sister sends me jokes all the time and this was the only one I had left!

[The Tick]

Ha! Good ones, y'all. If you want, i'll take out the book of 101 norwegian jokes. (No norwegians here, right?)

[ksk h2o]

not that good with jokes but here goes...

This is from an actual news clipping:

China's Pandas
Taking Viagra

By Discovery.com News


April 13, 2000 -- Chinese scientists will be spiking the libidos of giant pandas with the anti-impotence drug Viagra, reports today’s London Times.

After a traditional Chinese herbal medicine failed, researchers are experimenting with Viagra as a last resort to increase the animals’ sex drive and boost the endangered species’ population.

Poachers and habitat destruction have cut worldwide panda numbers to about 1,000. The notoriously reclusive animals are reluctant breeders in zoos, and frequently turn their back on mates. Zoos have gone so far as to set up a dating agency to match pandas with inspiring partners.

Even in the ideal environmental conditions of China’s heavily guarded wild panda parks, reproduction rates are not as high as researchers would like to see.

According to an article in the Beijing Youth Daily,
"The male panda can only mate for 10 to 20 seconds at a time, and hence the chances of getting the female pregnant are very low. With Viagra, the male could mate for up to 20 minutes."

Some earlier love potion attempts on the pandas have backfired, Zhang Hemin, director of a panda center in the province of Sichuan, says in the Times.

"We tried to give them Chinese medicine in the mid-1990s. As a result, the sex drive of the pandas did improve but they also became hot-tempered and attacked the females. That obviously wasn't so good and we had to end the experiment."

"The real problem is that many pandas don't know how to mate," says Zhang.

Researchers have also tried to relax the pandas by letting them unwind in front of the TV, says Zhang.

Chinese scientists have cloned panda embryos, and are working on a project to implant them into surrogate mothers.

[The Tick]

Now that's just Weird...

[Rodney Jason]

That was kinda funny..... but i didn't need to know all that

[Shadowangelhr5]

here's a joke what the difference between a priest and pimples


atleast pimples wait till you're 13 to cum on your face

it's bad i know <_<