Cero
03-30-2002, 07:38 PM
I found these surfing the net, not mah own...
A guy walks into a bar with two lovely blondes leaning on his shoulders with dewy looks in their eyes, and a dwarf who's only two feet tall. He orders drinks for himself and his companions, paying from a fat roll of twenty-dollar bills. The dwarf jumps up on the bar, and runs up and down the whole length of the bar kicking over everybody's drinks. The bartender and the other patrons are rather perturbed by this, but the guy says, "Never mind, I'll buy a fresh round of drinks for everybody," pulling out more twenties.
As soon as the bartender has finished setting everybody up again, the dwarf jumps back up on the bar and kicks over everybody's drinks again. The bartender says, "That's it: you and your friends, out!"
The guy says, "Never mind, just set everybody up again, and I'll control the dwarf this time, and I'll pay for it, and here's an extra twenty for your trouble."
The bartender says, "OK, but I don't understand why you put up with him."
The guy says, "It happened like this. I found an old oil lamp, and being superstitious I rubbed it, and sure enough, out came a genie and granted me three wishes. I asked for a roll of twenties that would never end: POOF, there it was. I asked for two lovely blonde women, one for each arm, who are totally devoted to me: POOF, there they were. So finally I asked for a two-foot prick: POOF, there he was."
The first Human to land on Mars was given a wonderful reception. Lavish parties, a ticker tape parade, and a VIP tour of the planet. One of the sites visited on the tour was a factory with an assembly line where tiny eyes, ears, noses, etc. were being put together to make Martian babys.
The Human was amazed. He explained to his host that this was definitly not how Human babies were made, and he proceeded to explain to them all the details of Human reproduction.
His Martian host listened patiently, then said "Isn't this funny? That's how we make cars."
A guy walks into a bar with two lovely blondes leaning on his shoulders with dewy looks in their eyes, and a dwarf who's only two feet tall. He orders drinks for himself and his companions, paying from a fat roll of twenty-dollar bills. The dwarf jumps up on the bar, and runs up and down the whole length of the bar kicking over everybody's drinks. The bartender and the other patrons are rather perturbed by this, but the guy says, "Never mind, I'll buy a fresh round of drinks for everybody," pulling out more twenties.
As soon as the bartender has finished setting everybody up again, the dwarf jumps back up on the bar and kicks over everybody's drinks again. The bartender says, "That's it: you and your friends, out!"
The guy says, "Never mind, just set everybody up again, and I'll control the dwarf this time, and I'll pay for it, and here's an extra twenty for your trouble."
The bartender says, "OK, but I don't understand why you put up with him."
The guy says, "It happened like this. I found an old oil lamp, and being superstitious I rubbed it, and sure enough, out came a genie and granted me three wishes. I asked for a roll of twenties that would never end: POOF, there it was. I asked for two lovely blonde women, one for each arm, who are totally devoted to me: POOF, there they were. So finally I asked for a two-foot prick: POOF, there he was."
The first Human to land on Mars was given a wonderful reception. Lavish parties, a ticker tape parade, and a VIP tour of the planet. One of the sites visited on the tour was a factory with an assembly line where tiny eyes, ears, noses, etc. were being put together to make Martian babys.
The Human was amazed. He explained to his host that this was definitly not how Human babies were made, and he proceeded to explain to them all the details of Human reproduction.
His Martian host listened patiently, then said "Isn't this funny? That's how we make cars."